My Loss and the Holidays

Christmas showed up only a month after Michael died, and while I missed him terribly, feeling intermittent spikes of melancholy, I experienced none of the intense darkness that the grieving often say they feel when it comes to the grandest of all holidays. Nor did I feel like the day had been ruined for me, perhaps forever, because it landed near the death of someone I loved.

I was sure there must be something wrong with me at first because not even Thanksgiving was marred—a holiday Michael died within days of last year.

Thinking it over, I believe I have him to thank for this reprieve. My husband took such unbridled joy in the celebration of these holidays while he lived that when I encounter them now, it feels wrong to be overwhelmed by sadness because he’s no longer here to see them in with me. Instead, I think I should relish them with all the gusto he did, if only as a way of honoring who he was.

Published by: charlesdavis

Charles Davis, MSW, is the author of a couple of scientific journal articles, some encyclopedia entries and a chapter in a nursing textbook. He was a semifinalist for the 2023 Mason Jar Press 1729 Prize in Prose. A public speaker, Davis conducts training on disability law, disability etiquette, sexuality, and learning how to navigate grief as a gay man. He’s also obsessed with writing about classic films.

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